If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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