Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
