I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
