my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
