Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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