I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
