when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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