Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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