I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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