Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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