He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize