This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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