I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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