I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
