I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
this hospital has no fireball
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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