Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
And my parents said I crawled through the house
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
