I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
