Non-Jews are for practice
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
