I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
