who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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