It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
