I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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