So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
