Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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