I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize