soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
