I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
