My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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