Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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