Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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