The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
