After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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