Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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