So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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