She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
