just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
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