Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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