I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
