I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
