Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
