yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
