I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
