That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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