DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
