I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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