Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
