I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
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