I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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