I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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