Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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