Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
