he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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