in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
