im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
