I look better un-naked...
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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