my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
