Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
