the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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