I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
