I showed him my bush... on skype.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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