dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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