i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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