I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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