How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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